July 2003 Archives

I don't work today, so I have time to think and get all my stuff in place. I gotta clean my room from top to bottom. It's starting to fill it's budget of dirty plates and cups. Ironically I like to put them on top of the TV. It gives me a sight of the fact I should clean them, every time I am mindlessly watching TV. I also have to get all my bills in place. I gotta see what I have to pay, and by when, and put it on the wall. That is the only way I will actually pay attention to it. I gotta plan projects, and sort pictures for my website.

Here are my ideas. I of course have the Slim Down Project. That one is on hold until after Tax Free Holiday, here in Georgia. After that, I will start it. Running, and exercising will be the norm. No matter how much it annoys me to do it. I also have the 40 days project. The amount of days is based on the movie "40 days and 40 nights." It's pretty nothing that could be deemed sexual activity for 40 days. Yep, that includes self-gratification, and even kissing. The kissing is a dumb idea, but ohh well, I will put it there. I've tried this kinda challenge before as bets with friends, but it didn't last long. I gotta see how I am going to do this one. It's gonna run along with the Slim Down Project. Hopefully me being physically tired will curb my hormones. I shall see.

Ohh, just to go along with the title, my lazy dogs are sleeping. Whenever noone is eating, and there isn't a lot of people walking around, they are in the hallway, or the couch just spread out and sleeping. When I pass by, sometimes they just follow me with their eyes. No point in getting out of that confy position. I have to agree with them. Lucky dogs, so spoiled.

Late night TV is like Spam, but with an off button. I don't know why I won't press the off button. Maybe because it contains a good show in between? True, that's why. Although, I hate the commercials. I don't really care that Girls Gone Wild is doing there 114822441th video about girls on the beach, and girls on spring break. I even care less that they will include the typical cheezy show between two porly paid girls that have appeared in every theoretical amateur video on this hemisphere. I don't give a damn, why does it make a difference. People will buy them of course. The whole idea of amateur girls lures them in. Although, that is such bullshit. Although, they did so some amateur girls, which they got sued by a huge amount of money. They need to have model releases, and proof on file of their ages. Showing drunk 16 and 17 year old girls is really not a good, legal, smart idea.

Gaw, ohh, and I don't care about finding love, and calling a line to hear fantasies made for men and woman. And they adverise that like it's a novelty. It's called a porn story, but someone reads it to ya. Wow, how amazing and smart. I can throw away my money to hear someone say something sexy. It's the same commercial over and over and over and over again. It's like they ran out of commercials. Also there are some self advertising by the channel which is mandatory.

Ohh mind you that I was earlier watching bravo's "Queer Eye for The Straight Guy" and "Boy Meets Boy." The advertisements over there were equaly bad. Yeah, some of them were more targeted towards the gay crowd, which is of course DUH. They were equaly bad. Even more chesier then the straight call in dating services. And please, do they ever play on the stereotypes? Sheesh.

Well, but whose line is it anyway is fun. They are having like a funniest moments thing. I am just laughing out loud in the twilight hours in my room. That is very interesting. Love in promptu comedy in the middle of the night along with commercial of girls gone wild like stupid whores. Yeah, well, I really don't love the girls gone wild, but I do love the comedy. Fun Fun Fun. Yep, my brain has turned to mush. The cinnamom flavored mush that does not wash away with milk, brough to you by tony the tigger and the wonderful people at Kelloggs. Yumm, craving cereal, love cinnamon.

Really, as a new season is about to begin, so are a whole bunch of dorky reality shows. From NBC to ABC, to Bravo, and so on, there a plenty of shows, involving some kind of reality, that the execs hope people will watch. Having a twist is now standard, having an edge grabs attention. A clueless guy, with woman searching after him, but really going after a reward. The same thing with a gay guy, but more cruel. If the straight guy gets in as a final, he gets extremelly rich. There are also the wonderful run to get the dream wedding, with tough physical activities, and the always wanted break ups.

It seems that being sadistic, and humuliating people is the reality of reality TV. There a more of course, and more it's on it's way. What more wonderful twists can come the way of the boob tube? Only us are to decide, with our reactions, and our flawed sense of reality, and what reality TV should be. Then again, it is kinda fun to see someone else screw up. Hey, we are all twisted little humans.

Sometimes I sit and wonder if I am worth a second look. I am not grosly mishapen, or have an extra arm and a hunched back. Also, I am not a top 10 male model, or a the most wanted guy in school. I am normal I guess. I don't attract much attention in the terms of looks. I am very critical of myself. So does everyone else of course. Everyone is critical of themselves.

When I look at myself I see: A guy, 6'1ish, dark brown hair, dark brown eyes. I happen to like my eyes, so yeay for that. Although...

My smile is needs braces and is not pearly white. Also, there is the gleaming, and often pointed out fact that I have thin hair. Therefore, it looks like I am going bald. It sucks. I used have big problems with posture, but don't have that many now. I think my lips are small, I wish they were bigger. I like my hands just fine, and my feet are OK. I did have to do a surgery to get a hammer toe corrected. I still have the scar, but feet looks normal. I have thick eyebrowns, and they can unite. I always pluck so I don't have an unibrow. I wish I was skinnier. I have a slight belly, and side bulges. I wish I had gleaming pecs, and a washboard ab. I don't have those.

I am normal looking, and often don't get a second look. I am friendly and social, and don't like hurting peoples feelings. I seem to be always happy, and with energy. I do have a lot of energy, and I am usually happy and bouncing around. Sometimes literally, sometimes just by a jovial stride.

I am happy with myself, and think I could use improvements. I look at myself in the mirror, and see myself as decent looking. Although, I always wonder if I am worth a second look. I rarelly think that someone is attracted to me, but I've been told that I am good looking.

It all ties with the fact that I am single. I am not in a hurry to meet a guy, but that doesn't mean I would not like a boyfriend. Although, until I have lost some weight, I don't think I would feel confortable having someone close to me. It's just me, but that's how I feel.

Since I don't seem myself as good looking, I don't really see why someone, better looking than me, would think I look good. That's rather narrow minded of my, I agree. I see all this guys, my age, much better looking than me. I see them happy, dating, and life seems to be the best.

My life is fine, and im ok with it. I would like to have more excitement, that's for sure. I guess when someone does not go out much, and worries about everyday worries too much, there isn't room for excitement.

I sit here, and do nothing at times. I think, and I plan. I don't plan anything in particular, but I sit and think. I think of times past, and hopes for future times. I think of warmth, and how fun life can be. I think of travelling, and visiting people. I think a lot.

I do have to say I like my mind. I think things that people don't think much about. Often I say and quip about things that people would not say or be interested in. I think the world is wildly interesting, and has many facets. I like to study and garner facts about things.

I don't like to forget things but I do. I sometimes forget a face soon after I see it. It frustates me. I guess the face is just not worth memorizing. Makes enough sense. Why would I care about a customer, who asks a question I am not keen about. I do care about the question, and seek an answered, but I forget about the person that asked. That doesn't happen often, but it has happened. Customer approaches the desk, asks a question, and then walks away. I go answer, but I forgot who it was. Go figure...

I wish I would get a second look from someone I looked at twice. Sometimes I just wish, I would be somewhat coveted, or wanted ever.

Heh, I have dated before, and people liked me, and my looks, but still. I never think I would get a second look.

*** P.S. - I like the way I look, and am quite happy with it. I was just gripping about getting a second look.

Ehh, so, since I seem to change my mind, yet feed of what everyone says, I made a decition. (As if that statement was logic, but anyways.)

New guy at work, not the new new guy, but the new guy. The new new guy is the one with the weird smile. Anywho...

I decided to just not worry about New guy at work. Sure, he is cute, and always a potential guy, but I won't seek anything. There is no point at the moment really, I am not getting any vibes per se. And also, I am being picky, because of a comment he made. We were closing the store and stuff, and Dea, pointed to a guy in a book, and said "this guy is ugly?" Then, the question was asked, "where is the ugly guy?" and new guy pointed to me. Later saying just kidding and laughing about, although, I took the wrong way. Of course I did, because that's not usually a response on the tip of the tongue.

I may be overreacting, since this happened today, and I haven't gotten to know the new guy. Ehh, but it does make sense of my decision to just not care about what happens in this circumstace. Anywho, that was a short lived wondering, and it's over unless for some strange reason I deem it otherwise.

I got more info on new guy at work. I had a chance to chat to him a bit when I went to pick up my paycheck, since I didn't have to work until later. Found out some pretty interesting things. My friend Suraj, and Frantz, told me to back up a little, because I seemed too eager.

I have to agree with that, I was like, talking to him, exclusivelly a bit, in non work clothes, and hanged around more then usual. So, I will back up and see how things go. I have no plans, and are not going to make any. Whenever one does that, they either worry about the plans they make, and try hard to make them suceed. The other thing that can happen, is person is disapointed when things don't go right.

So, my plan is to not have a plan, and play everything by ear. That's always the best way, and you don't force decisions.

Ahh! Heh, I am so loving the CD I burned today and had on my car. It's a biggie to me because I rarelly burn CD's. I am usually at home listening to all my music while on the computer. It was a combo of "A Touch of Class (ATC)" "T.a.T.u" and "French Affair." I was so blasting it on the speakers while I was making a picking up some items for a walk-in-transfer. All songs are quite sexy in their own way, heh. Kinda dictates what kinda mood I am in. Not a sex sex sex mood, no no. It's more like a feel good vibe, with a hint of love in the air. I don't need to be in love to be in that mood, hehe. I just am, just like I would be in any other mood.

Mom is taking a real estate course soon, so she can start working on the sale of houses. She also has a background in loan consulting, which sould make things easier. She wants me and sis to work less hours, and focus more on school if she starts making good money.

I'm happy with that, but the crawling ants in my room are pissing me off. They bite, and whist, it doesn't hurt, it ends up in itchy itchy red bumps. Ohh, and them crawling drives me bonkers.

Gaw, I don't really want to start school, then again, I really want to. I miss the learning process. Ehh, new classes, new challenges, so it's all good.

New guy at work, cute, will see how things go. *grins*

So, mom's bday passed, and we celebrated and were all happy about it. We all got her our own little gifts, and that was kewl.

Work is mundany as can be. I get a double wednesday and thursday. Gaw!

I am not happy at the moment, but mildly content. Nothing special, nothing interesting, nothing worth talking about. I just keep on listening to my music, and watching the latest chapters of the wonderuful showtime show "Dead Like Me." That makes thing oki doki. *smiles*

Ugh, today I started the Slim Down Project. I posted the starting picture, and I am going to have to post a picture every day, whether I want it or now. I might not post them right away, but I will take them. Also, I gotta figure out a layour for the page, and some menu options. The main goal is to be able to dynamically review the picture of each day.

I am so embarassed at the moment it's just awful. It's very personal to have pictures like that posted. Also, I am displaying the fact that I have a little bit of weight on me, and that I am not on top physical form. Although, that's what the project is about, so I am gonna keep on posting.

This is life, this is real, and that's how it goes.

So, mom's Bday is aproaching. Freankly we planned stuff, but noone knows what to do. We could host a party, but that would be expensive, and we would just host a bunch of people we don't really care about. We were going to buy her a big screen TV, or some expensive gift, but that won't work. Noone has good credit, and if everyone tries to share the payments, people will skimp out. We might do something nice for her later. The TV will come, but when we actually have things planned, have a chance to pick out items, and have money in reserved.

Ehh, if only I could, but I can't. Someday I will be able to buy mom something nice and great and wonderful. Although, she is not a very mateiral person. She is happy just to hang out, and spend the time being happy with us. Mom is the best I gotta say. There are some many reasons why she is wonderful, and thankfully, everyone things so. *smiles*

See, now I am just writing too much. Although it helps to get things in my head out. Process them, and figure them out.

Here's the situation...

So, new people at work, are all organized at school, and two of them work at Rampway. Rampway is a "Student Run Online Magazine of Georgia State University." It seems pretty interesting, and I am now starting to think about it. Bleah, and when I think about stuff, everything just keeps-a-swirling in my head.

So, I was visiting the website, thought "ohh nifty." I saw this friend at work was on the Tech Staff, and also was on of the associate directors. His girlfriend coincidentally also is part of Rampway. Talk about having inside connetions, which are not really connections. Well, that is because, he started like, a week or so ago at work. He's doing a nice job, and seems to be satisfied. His best friend it seems also got hired, so that makes things easier.

Anyway, before I get off topic, let me explain the whole ordeal. The though come to my head, in participating in this production. Ehh, but that stuff takes time. Same goes for my friend suggest in participating in the schools student government. He thinks I would be great over there. Everyone from my past seems to think so. Although, once I get involved in something, I will really be involved in it. In HS I was in like 7 clubs, and 2 or 3 organizations. Things started getting hectic. It was fun, true, but it was consuming.

Ohh, and also there is the fact that most places seem to want to meet on Thursdays. Which for me are also known as: The day I don?t have a choice about working on. It's the day where my co-worker, Justin, goes make candles with his mom. Yes, he does make some awesome money at it, that's why he is always missing on Thursdays. Darn him! Although, I have worked pretty much every single Thursday, since I go hired. Aside from the time I did my foot surgery of course.

I feel all creative, and I should be able to innovate something. I have no outlet to do so, and that is why I think of organizations. It's a cooperation of people towards something greater. Something that has a bit of everyone and everyone's bit is meaningful. That's the kind of stuff I like. Seen results, and seeing things forge ahead. I have being me, by myself, doing things for no one. Not that everything I do has to serve a purpose, but I am just trying to show a point.

Ehh, I do need rejuvenating sleep, and I shall go get some. *Yawn*

I still have the habit of not sleeping early instilled in me. I am right now awake, listening to video game song remixes. Well, that's partly becuase I have some remixes on my comp, that I share on the web, and someone messaged me, a link to some others. Now I am here, listening to wordless, happy tunes from games to obsolete systems.

I do have to say Final Fantasy can always remake a chocobo song. More then 15 ones exist if I am not mistaken. Heh, I wonder what chocoboey song will appear in FFX-2, FFXI, and FFXII. Although, FFXI does worry me a bit. It veers from the normal playing track, and goes into a MMORPG kinda world. I will hold my judgements until I have a change to experience it.

Gaw, I do love videogame music remixes. What can I say, I am dorky. *smiles*

I could go to sleep, but that's no fun. I do have a day off on Wednesday, in which I am gonna get all my bills nice and straight. That doesn't necessarelly means paying them, *grin.* Although, they will, indeed be all organized, by how much money I gotta shell out for each. Ehh, it's life, and money is something that's part of it. As long as it's not the sole purpose of life, it servers it's purpose just right.

Heh, as I peruse the fast world on the net, I see that I am rather boring. I am not a sports kinda person, not am I a car fanantic. I enhoy living my typically quiet existance. Not to say that it doesn't bore me out, because it does. I could go out, go to clubs, and pary harty, but I don't seem to do that. Well, first there is the whole fact that I don't really enjoy drinking. Not that that is a major requirement, but it's a quite common reality.

Also, I don't have a plethora of friends pouring in and offering invitations to go to the latest happenings. I have the people at work, and umm, the people at work. Well, there are a few of my sisters friends. Although they are rather unreliable, and just end up getting themselves in trouble. So it's an obvious sign that I tend to stay away from them. I really don't go hang out, and go to their houses. I have gone to visit a few people at work, but I end up going once, then no more.

I guess I keep myself in the main picture, but yet out of the picture. Everyone knows me, and I do wonderfully at work. I am (mostly) efficient, and I help everyone out. Yet, on my personal side, I am as a shadow. I talk and chat, yet, do not exist. I can be there, talking to someone about their life, and things people circulate about them, yet, that's that.

I guess I am a very personal person. I tend to distance myself from people after a point. Well, and also plenty of times, because I see things I don't like.

Ehhh, and there is the whole fact that I am without spending money. One can't do much without the green to back it up. I did go out with work friends for a bit of time, and that just drained my resources completelly. "Bills Bills go away, please come back another day (or never, really, I would prefer that)" *grin*

I dress to work, and I am usually seen wearing work clothes. When, I am not wearing that, I am usually wearing jeans, a white shirt, or my blue shirt. The only other thing I wear is my kakhi pants with white shirt, or this one cream colored shirt. That is it. I really don't wear much else. My closet has winter clothing, and clothing that I don't wear. The rest is social pants, and dress shirts. It's scary. I don't seem to be able to really dress outside work.

The only pices of clothing I really purchase are black socks, undearwear, and undershirts. Those are because I use them so much, and they slowly wear out. Ohh, and there is the fact that I own 2 pair of shoes. One is my black work shoes, and the other are tennis shoes. Which I never really use, because they fit rather flimsly. I bought them when I had to do my feet surgery. Pretty much all my white tees, and my undershirts are haynes. My undies, which I just double checked, are all fruit of the loom. They make the perfect undies. My socks are whatever is cheap. My work shirts and parts are a plethora of gifts from mom, and some from gramma. They were mostly shopped in outlet stores.

Seems weird doesn't it? I haven't shopped for a single piece of "external" clothing in over a year. Which brings me to the fact that I need new ties. Dogs ate 3 or 4 of my ties, and now my repertoire is flimsy. Guess I am just quirky like that.

I feel like writing about my life a bit. Things are hectic, but are all settling down into place. It seems that everything will be fine, and I will be happy. Not that I am unhappy now, I am happy, but I am just speaking generally. I have my sister, and I have my mom, which are very important to me. They are getting things straight in their lives too.

I gotta stop and think about what to do next. I am currently just working, getting home, and busying myself. Be it with just randomly browsing the internet, or doing inane things like cataloging all my songs. Yeah, it needs to be done, but not just as a time filler. I also watch TV, or spend half my day running errands. Granted, those errands are necessary, but they just add to the fact that I am not stopping and thinking. As if that wasn't so time filling, I also play Shadowbane. A online RPG, that is quite enjoyable. Most of my friends are in it, althogh some are swicthing to Star Wars Galaxies. Also a great online multi-player RPG. Although, shadowbane is slowly becoming inane to me. It's taking time, and it really does not achieve nothing. It just causes me to lose some hours of sleep at night. That along with some porn. Ehh, I'm a guy, what can I say.

I just gotta stop and relax a bit. Cool down, and get things straightened out. I was supposed to sort all my bills, get a eating schedule, and also create some structure in my life. Did I do that? Ehh, not really... I did sketch some foundations here and there, but it never turned into anything solid. I just can't seem to stop and focus. At work it's similar. I am an automoton of tasks. Yes, that is what work is, but still it fills so task based. I go do this, then that, then this, then that. Some things I do day and night, and it's rather tedious. I am trying to think up some fresh things to make work easier, but when my time is alloted to so many things that are rather lousy, I can't.

There are simple steps to get things all ready. One, is sleep early. Yeah, that means that I won't wake up just in time to be able to get dressed an go to work. I will have time to start my day, and plan it. Also, I gotta stop time filling. There is no point in just doing something for the sake of doing something. It serves no purpose.

I am planning on cancelling my Shadowbane Account, and lessen my TV time. Also, make my computer more task oriented, rather then just a really nifty web browsing machine *glitter**laugh*

*Aside - Why can't life have special effects, it would be very nifty. I will get into the details of my wacky ideas at a later time*

*Aside - I seem to love eating in deep plates, or semi-bowl kinda plates. Soupy kinda plates to put it simply. I get my food all mashed and mushed all around the plate, and a normal plate just doesn't offer that flexibility.

And, with that, I am on my way to sleep. Adios.

Or, I could use my old closing blog tag. Which I know is not spelt correctly, but it's like that on purpose.

~Peace, Love and Harmonee~

Ohh my, today I have done something else actually then go to work, or do nothing. I actually did actual yard work. I cleaned up the yard of dead branches, and branches mom was pruning. I also trimmed the front yard bushes, and helped with some other random stuff. We got the house looking nice, at least in the front part. The backyard is still barren, well except for all the branches we put there. Although, otherwise, it's just dirt, that was moved around when we had to replace piping and the septic tank.

Gaw, this house we live in is old, and thing after thing totally breaks down. Hopefully nothing in out electrical system will go out soon. That would be just terrible for my computer, and worse yet, my internet. *screams in agony*

Anyways, after all that yard work, I went to ride "my" bike around the neighborhood. Btw, my neighborhood is very hilly. It's two parts, the left part which is low, and the right part which is high. And it's all on steep inclines. I don't mind the going down, and the flat parts, but the inclines just killed me. Besides, the bike was a tad too small for me, and I could not adjust my sit. Hence, I had to raise my knees real high to be able to pedal. I went around the neighboorhood twice, and then had to stop. My stamina is not low, but it's not as high as it needs to be. I gotta start running in the morning, and getting into a fitness routine.

So, none of those words exist, or ever will. Although, eventually, you will be able to search for them on the net, just because they happen to exist. It's funny how that works, but then again, it's nifty. I could get on a whole boat of people creating their own language, but then again there is Esperanto. The language meant to be created as a neutral language, target to be universal.

*Aside - Ryan Phillipe - Hot*

Heh, I like asides. They are insightful (or something like that *laughs*)

I am again on another plan to do something or another. I lost some weight in my 30 day countdown, and now I need to lose some more. Heh, it's a natural step to start another phase. So, I am gonna create the Slim Down Project. The Basic premise of it, is I take a picture of myself, day to day, and post it on the web. Hopefully it will be of me losing weight. Although, if I don't, which is something I doubt highly; I will have to post those pictures also. Hopefully, that is enough incentive to get things starter. I wonder what is going to happen...

I've been running around doing errand after errand at work. Which I don't mind really, makes the time pass fast. Although, it's still kinda stressful. Not going crazy stress, but the bog downer kind. It's just thing after thing after thing, where it seems like and endless strigs of odd jobs, and weird reports.

*Aside - Darn, are those surfer boys hot.*

Anywho, as I was griping about *laughs.* Major big wig came by work today. More like VP of company, heh. Everyone likes him, because as my Ops manager says, he doesn't treat them like childrem, but like adults who know what they are doing. He just sits, chats, and see what they can figure out to improve things. I like that kind of approach. It's very professional.

Ugh, I started snacking again, which is a bad habit. I gotta get my nutritious snacks into work, so I won't go to the candy machine. The only reason I go there, is because my fave snack came back. Yummy Keebler Chocolate Covered Graham Crackers.

Gaw, I am baking in my own room here. The Air Conditioner stopped working. The downstairs one works fine, but the upstairs unit can no longer cool the air. It's a minumum of 80 degrees all the time. The fan that I got in my room now doesn't do much. I might buy a new one just so I can go to sleep. My computer is not liking the temperature either. It crashes if I attempt to play any games, since the video card no longer gets decent ambient temperature.

I am dressed in as little as possible, without being nakee. I just don't like sleeping nakee. Hopefully we will be able to get "Luis" to fix our unit. I am hoping we don't have to buy one, like we had to do with the water heater.

On another note, sis got back from Orlando. She had fun, and enjoyed the trip. Heh, well, except for the fact that she was baked alive in sun. With temperatures going from the 90+, I have to agree with her report. Heh, she thought she would come back to a cold house, and the mild georgia sun, but instead, she came to the world of Indoor Saunas (aka, Upstair Bedrooms) *laughs*

Heh, just on a gripe that my sister's boyfriend is taking her to Universal Studios and Disney down there in orlando. I would like to go on a trip like that, but my work does not allow me to do such. So, I just am gonna go to sleep, and wake up in a bit, because I work SUPER EARLY. I gotta open the store. I gotta be there before the doors open, and I really hate doing it. Ohh well.

Ohh, and I was playing shadowbane, they were supposed to have Siege tonight, but the other people just gave up their town, and it was rather boring. *Yawn*