Where is happy?

I want my happy back. At work I am no longer happy, things are changing and going on a direction I dont like. Most managers are gone, and people are more going then coming. My day is a mundane amalgam of reports and issues. I barelly hang out with friends. Home life is boring, and everyone has more problems then solutions. There are too many bills to pay and not enough money. I am single, and no outlook on that one. Things pile up, I am no longer as polite as I want to be to people.

I need to go out and do something for myself. I would be content with just walking in a park. Hanging out all the long, and just talk bull. Same as typical, I have a bunch of people I know, but lack friends. Noone calls me to chat, nor do I call anybody. My buddy list on the computer has a bunch of people that barelly exchange a word a month if even that. Although, it's not as if I am putting any effort into it. I don't go to friends house and just watch a movie for the hell of it. If one ever invited, I would probably be all self concious and try to act proper. Then again, I don't know. I would like to go watch Dead Like Me on friends house this weekend, but don't know if that's going to happen. I should not doubt myself but I often do. I look at myself, and see someone not worth that much. I know inside what I am worth, and I value myself, but other people don't see that. Latelly I've been seeing the glass as empty.

Whever there is someone new, I latch myself. I try to find out most things about everyone. I end up just being a background artifact. I am part of the room, but have no impact on it. As soon as I see something not favorable, I back myself away, and fade into oblivion. Everywhere yet nowhere. Noone seeks me, and I seek noone. It sucks...

Where did my happy go? I want my happy back...