Oblivion

Ehh, it's that time of the year where I slowly fade into oblivion. Well, it's not really a time of the year, but it's a situational thing. I complain I never get invited anywhere, but when there is an invitation I usually chicken out, or have no drive for it. An example, was Sarah's Victoria Secreted watching part. It was nearing the time to go there, I had gotten off work. I ate something, finished some howehork, and felt letargic. I would have driven there, and I wanted to go there, but it would have been 1 wait to get there, and then an hour to get back, and it I stay late, then I miss the trains and can't get back to my house. So, I just stayed at my house, and didn't worry about all the variables. Then, I see people writing on their journals, and saying how much fun it was, and it makes me feel decently crappy. Granted, I could have gone, but my lazy arse did not.

It's weird, and it's something that happens every so often. I simply don't have the drive to do some stuff. I am funcional, and do leisure stuff, but nothing that requires much effort. Studying, and driving are things that require that effort. I try to plan stuff, but I just end up watching TV or something, it's silly.

That is also a reason why I know a bunch of people, yet I don't really hang out, or go visit anyone. Hence it follows that I never get invited anywhere. Also there is the whole fact that I am concious about my image. The amount of clothes in my closet is slowly dwindling, and most things make me look silly. The things that I want to wear at times, I don't because I worry about my weight. I am not fat, and I am still within a healthy weight, but I just don't look good. I have the mild fear of rejection that goes along with that. I can hang out, and sometimes do, but the situation is always small and mild. I feel silly going to parties, and seeing people that look so much better than me. I know it's my own fault that I am not improving myself. I should be, but when I try to plan things out, it never pans out.

*sigh* Again, I will probably just be at home, brooding over something stupid. Being lazy as ever, and watch the fun times roll away with everyone else. I don't live life, it just goes by, and I am part of it.

Hopefully things will get better, and I will get my drive back...