Updatingales Blues

Look, it's anothe entry, but slightly different.

* So, Work...

I want to quit. It's stupid at times, and I feel very unappreciated. I care too damn much about my job. I do things just so everything runs smooth. Granted, I do delay some stupid projects that have nothing to do with anything at times. I wish it wasn't like that.

* So, Friends...

I have them, yet I feel more and more distant. Yeah, it's nice to hang out, but things don't flow right. I hear of times they go out, and I am usually not there. I rant about it, and I am told to chill out. Makes me feel like not caring that much. Yet, I still care, because I consider them friends. It's screwed up, and I can't do anything about it.

* So, "Love related stuff" + On the inside

I don't know how things are going, and I can't read someone else's mind. I am highly insecure on my behalf, and I don't know what steps to take. I am watching to see if I don't overstep anything, and end up worrying about how many ways I can screw things up. I am afraid I take things steps beyond where they should go. So, do I want a full blown relationship. I do, yes, just got watch out for things. What then, what now, how things go. Things connect, but sometimes don't make sense.

I am in new territory. I am clueles that I am going to fall on a pit I didn't see. Not a relationship pit, but a miss-relationship pit. I am afraid of dissagreements, and fights and differences. They have not happed, and I don't see them happening. Yep, it lingers in my head. When are things going to fall apart, when am I going to break down.

I am optimistic, yet, there is pessimism just shouting in my thoughts. Paranoia lingers around the corner, about things that can be wrong. Ohh no, he didn't answer that IM. Darn, I couldn't come up with anything to say. Am I too much into my life and him into his for things to work out. I am just floating with thoughts, and things I can't peg down. I don't bring about topics with him like that. I don't think of them while I am with him. I think it after. While I am with him, I am content with the moment. He is fun, and cuddly, and kisses well too.

*sigh* I am not screwed up, but boy do I screw my thoughts as they flow.