A bit off

Things are off

I made plans

The plans are off

My life is off

Skewed, Awry, Wonky

I look around, and things are not quite right. They are not quite wrong, but not quite right.

I worry, but

I worry but I don't feel

I do feel the absence, but not the other things that come on the radar

I can react, I show emotion

Yet,

Yet I am blank, null, devoid

Happiness is there

I act in a joyful manner at work

It's a joy of ignoring everything else

Then,

Then things are always back, just waiting for me when I think about them

I'm not scared, but it's scary

I worry, ohh do I worry

Although, the worry doesn't cause me to feel bad

The worry just causes me to think, and ponder

That, is what drags me down

I am optimistic at times

But not in general

I see the bad things, the worse things, and neutral things

Sometimes, I am just brain

Something bad can happen with someone close, and I wouldn't feel anything.

I get teary by TV

Ohh, that is what hits me.

TV has moments that just trigger crying

Yeah, that's what one gets from watching drama, but still

I'm afraid that if someone near me dies, I will just say "Ohh, ok then."

That scares me.

Although, I would be near expecting my reaction to be just that.

I rationalize my emotions, to what I think they should be at times, or just creating a non-emotion to handle it

Although, when some things do happen, I have emotion

Emotion is trapped, and when it comes out, it can be blinding

Although, not to harm anyone, because that just feels bad

I'm weird, but hey, that's the way life goes for me

I planned a lot, and it's all off. It's even more off than when I hadn't planned it.

I cross my fingers, and hope.