June 2004 Archives

Ahh, old spidey is at it again.

This movie had a little bit of everything that makes a movie good. It crossed some genres, and that made it a very nice movie for anyone to watch. I would watch this movie again, since it's one that doesn't bore, but excited instead.

Anywho, after the movie that was some steaking and shaking around. All very delicious, and nutritious. Granted, FDA hasn't really apporved my standards of nutrition.

It was nice to hang out in a big group, have some laughs, talk about fun stuff, and just relax.

Today was an A+ kinda day.

Ahh, this week as pride week. We had a huge celebration here in Georgia.

I didn't attend any of them. In theory I could have, but I did not.

There are some reasons for that. First, I was scheduled for those days, and really didn't ask off. Why didn't I ask off? Because I had absolutelly no one to go with.

I don't know anyone that would go feasably go to pride with me. Granted, I didn't have much drive, or money to do anything this weekend.

There were the Alliance people, that I know that went, but I'm not part of the organization. I know very few people there, and I'm not friends with them. I just know them from places.

I could have gone with someone that talked about going. That would be Paul, and we are not even talking anymore, so that would not have worked.

I have some friend I made in the past, that for sure would have gone. Problem is, I haven't really done anything to them in a long time, so it would just seem lame to ask, just so I could attend an event.

I could have gone by myself, but umm, that would be boring. I would be just walk around a bunch of strangers.

If I had someone to go with, I would have scheduled the time off, but I didn't, so I didn't. (Good afternoon bad sentence structure.)

Anywho, I haven't ever gone. That means that I have no drive other than curiosity to have gone there. And right now, I'm not overly investigational.

I did hear everyone that went had fun, and that's great.

I worked, and made money to support myself and my family, and that is more important than any celebration.

Ahh, so mom failed her latest test. She is going to take the classes again, this time in a more compressed format.

The fact she failed means, she will have just about no income for a a month and a half more.

She said she would arrange the borrowing of some funds, to keep things up. She always does, and things to fine.

It's kinda sucky though, because we still are having huge money problems, and the amount of money she plans on borrowing, just barelly holds things over. It will be the same game of paying the barest of the bare minums, and home they do not cut stuff.

It's ok though, I don't feel bad about the whole ordeal, and I'm not worrying about things that much. I know things are going in the right direction. Even if we are just running on very basic mode, it's just to hold over things, until everything is resolved. It's not worrysome, and doesn't cause grief. It's just a slight annoyiance. Also, I've learned to be much more patient about things over time, so it's good.

So, everything is fine, and I'm happy. Just a bit drained, but happy.

Ahh, so today, form Brazil, we had, a mystic per se. I don't really know how to describe him in the american sense.

He does stuff like tarot cards, and throws the little white sea shelly but not really like things. He also is a man of religion, brazilian style.

Anywho, he came to visit, and just talked a little, and then talked to mom, sis and I individually.

He told us stuff that we pretty much knew, but it was nice to have someone who never met you reinforse the ideals. He just sat there, read the tarot cards, and told me a lot of stuff about my life, ad timelines, and about myself. I was happy with how things went, because a lot of good things were said. A lot of things that are nifty, and some messages of hope and so forth.

My family background is very very mystical. There are many things that were brought down through ancestry and the blood line.

While, a lot of people are skeptical, this has been always around my life. I don't blindly follow anything. I just have had a chance to see a lot, and there's things I believe that are part of the things I've seen. I've seen many other things, and some things just don't bode with me, so I don't go deep into them.

Anywho, the previous paragraph was more of a justification to why I believe in some things. It's besides the point to justify, but I can. As I always said, mom is a very open person and doesn't force her beliefs into us, she just presents things, and it's nice that way.

Anywho, a lot of fun stuff was told, and some stuff I've been expecting but wasn't quite sure. Hopefully things will come true, and that will be soooooo very nifty. Since the things that were said, are a lot already part of my exisiting plans, so if they go well, that means my plans went well.

I'll write about my plans sometime later.

Ahh, as always, I just love combining concepts together. Trying two things @ once, for their best outcome.

Well, I have come up with a brand new way to improve (albeit, also torture) myself.

The title says it all. Whenever I get an urge for the classical sexual release, or anything along the lines, I'll do something like running. Running will be one of the things, but it will pretty much involve exercising, or physical activities of the kind.

In perspective, it seems like a good idea. It gives a pretty constant drive to exercise.

I gotta see how it can be executed. I'll start tomorrow, and will just keep going from there. I'm not going to do annoying day by day reports of how much I exercised, because in constrant with the drive, it's just perverted. Not in the classical way, but in a brand new way, because it will just be like keeping a sexual drive barometer on me. (Somehow, that makes a pun, which was not intended, and it's very wrong)

That's all for this entry.

P.S. - I think I came up with the concept while driving home from work, or around closing time @ work. I am leaning more towards driving home. Then again, I also get ideas when I'm about to go to sleep, because my brain just avalanches a lot of info into my concious. Anywho, just wanted to make a note, that's all.

Bleah,

Things are being paid, because some money was borrowed from Mom's friend. I hate borrowing money, but we needed to borrow it.

The cellphone was cut, then, we called, and managed to make an agreement with the Sprint people. Took some time, but they agreed to a payment plan. So, the reconnected it. Also, since I did pay power, that will be fine, and so is the house phone. None of them are paid in full, we just paid the late items in there. Still, we keep carrying one or two months behind on the bills, and they never get smalled, just bigger.

Right now, we are just streching what money we have, and the money we don't have to make ends meet.

Taking things one day at a time, is all that can be done. Hopefully things will get better, but if they don't, well we shall keep taking things the same way.

Now, if I could only pay the gas. Granted, as we are saying... "Our gas did not get shut off, no, we just turned it off so we could flea bomb the house" See, it sounds much nicer, now we just have to buy the darn flea bombs.

To the left or to the right. It's my turn to make a move.

It's always my turn to make a move, because so is life. A decision after the other, multiplied infinite times. From the simple, most basic things, to huge life changing events. There's always a choice to be made. The next word to be spoken, the next action to be taken. It's always interesting to see how things go. Where each decision leads us, and where they don't.

I'm making my decisions, and they are going where they feel like. I'm avoiding making some big decisions, in the wait for some events. I have them to make, and they are in my mind.

I'm content at the moment. Things are not all that great, but they are not that bad either. They could be worse, a LOT worse, and that's no lie. It's easy for things to turn sour in a split of a second. Things could have turned sour, but they haven't, and I'm glad they haven't.

People expect a lot, and they don't always get what the expect. Take for example, my Aunt. She was expecting my grandma to get a large settlement from a lawsuit she was involved in. Turns out, that what she expected didn't come true. The sad part is, that she already spent the money that she never had. Now, that's not good. Along with that came other news that were equally bad, but that's besides the point.

As I was saying. I'm waiting on making some decisions, until I can see where they will lead. Also, I'm not rellying on things happening. I hope they do, that's for certain, but I'm not taking steps based on those decisions at the moment. If I do, well, I might end up like a certain Aunt of mine.

Be that as it may, things move along. I do love to say things like move along don't I. It's peculiar, but I guess it makes it gives a nice flow to things. It's better that stagnant, or just stale. It gives a sign of life, and I like that.

Now, as much as I hate, I just have to wait a little bit more. In the meatime, things are doing mighty fine, considering the situation that is. *grins*

Ahh, so this morning, the gas company left a note on our door. They just wanted to inform us that they have shut off our gas. It makes sense, since we had late bills. I thought they were going to cut it next month, but they did it this month.

Now, since it's summer, it's not that bad. Since it's warm all the time, the cold showers won't kill us. If it was in the winter, then that would be a whole other story.

Granted, this is not the first time we had our gas shut off. It has happened before, and we just dealt with it. Disconnecting is the easy part. Getting them to reconnect is the pain in the arse.

But, as with everything, there is a good side to this. Now we can use the flean and insect bombs on the house. We could not use them before, because of the pilot light on the downstairs and upstairs heaters and so on. Now, we just gotta buy them, and bomb the house.

We are probably going to try to get the gas reconnected soon, but I can't do anything about in the meantime. We don't have the money to deal with that. We are going to pay for the power friday, because that's pay day. If we don't well, the power is scheduled to get shut off on the 30th. We can live without gas, but without power, it is much much harder. I am not saying that it is impossible, because we had small situations like that before.

The good thing, is while thios worries, it's not a big deal, and we can deal with it.

Other things that are slated to be cut is out phone service, and cell phone service. That we gotta figure out what to do about. It might come down to which we want on. The home phone service can be done without, because the cell phones do the same thing, and it also allows communication between family to arrange stuff, and it can be used in cases of emergency.

I'm hoping my internet won't be cut, but that's something that I just have to deal with. That account is going to be officially late today. That means that I get a whole other month before they cut it.

Imporant things like car, and insurance, always get paid. Granted, at the sacrifice of many other things. It's life, and things gotta balance out one way or another.

Hehehe,

Ahh, so things closed nice and wonderfully today.

A day that started with the house feeling confy, ended with everything else feeling confy.

After work, suraj invited me to go to Shake and Steak, where Gerardo and Shelly are waiting for him.

It was fun being invited somewhere, since that has not happened is some time now.

Suraj is one of the only people that invites me to places, and a lot of the people I met, I met through him. He's the material of a good friend. Regardless of the person who is friends with him, he is always a good friend back. I admire that about him. He's a nice peson, and very genuine. I'm happy he is happy, and also that he brings some happy in other's life.

Anywho, to close, today was a good day all the way. Now even nagging customers bothered me today. Hehehe

I gotta say, weird as it may seem, things are going well at the moment. It's not the situatution that is getting well, but how everything is going overall. Things just seem more calm and happy at home. The home itself feels more homey, and relaxed. I'm not anxious or anything.

*smiles*

Today work felt like work.

I was busy all the long, had a nice project to work on.

I miss days like this, days with many things to do, that are not just boring, or frustrating. Days @ work where I get to do something constructive, instead of just babysitting a desk.

It was fun getting the big cabinet thingies from the main office to a cube, many things to take apart, move around, and many other things that needed to be figured out. Everything was a small puzzle, that needed solving. There's still more things to put together, which will keep me plenty busy tomorrow. The only thing I am dreading is filing extra paperk that has been laying around, thanks to my "excellent" coworkers.

Ohh, and I was sweating for some other reason than the stupid air conditioner being broke. Completelly unacceptable. (It's been too many weeks)

Imagine having a writters block, but it relates to everything.

That's the level my brain is functioning at the moment. The ideas are sparse, and what little comes along, does not flow in a creative manner. I see things that I have the solutions too, but they don't solidify in my mind. I look at things laying around my computer, and they are supposed to inspire me, yet they just sit there, and simply exist.

I thought to draw, but could not pencil it out. I had some ideas, which all died with my next thought. I had the solution for something, but it slipped away from my concious, and now I don't know what it had to do with anything. I was @ work, looked around me, and in my mind, I simmered a wonderful thought, then *poof.*

I am just absorbing things at the moment. I read some news, I watch some news cast, I listen to some music, and review some of my old pictures, I look upon my website, and my old writings, I analyzy my job and the things that relate to it, I read what other people write, and laugh at some wonderful online cartoons, I watch some TV, I laugh and get excited about wonderful TV shows, I cry, laugh, and go though the motions while watching movies.

I am not producing anything. It doesn't really frustrate me, but just makes me feel useless. When I don't work, days just pass by, and nothing really happens with the hours contained in it, nothing progresses, nothing moves along.

I need a muse, some inspiration, something that brings some shine into my life. I need some sparkles, and glitter to make things happy. I need a spark, a push to get me going.

Where is that something that makes me go?

I don't know, but if I knew, I would travel to the source of it, to get enough to keep me going forever.

I know, I just need to look inside myself. I contain the things I need to get going. I just need a way to add some fuel to my internal furnace of drive.

Gay men need to have good bodies. If not, they don't attract very much. Granted, that is of course a statement that is a bit generalizing and generic.

Still, it's something that affects plenty of people, including me.

I don't have the washboard abs, or extra toned arms. To be able to be appealing, it's thought that I need that, or something near that.

So, as the title says, sign me up for some body obsession please. I need to get this body I have, and give make it par with what looks good. I need to lose some body fat, and build some muscle. It's not rocket science, and it's not overly difficult. It needs effort and focus, both which I seem to be lacking by a long shot.

With my body, it's life fishing in a sea of gay men, with non-premium bait. I would not catch much at all.

I know I might sound a wee bit shallow at the moment, but it's something that actually I have to consider. I can't have a lack luster body, while everyone else out there has one. In a sense of comparison it gives them all the advantage, and I get nothing.

This post was fueled by websites such as friendster, and also some random dating sites, in which everyone worth looking at, has a body to match. After I look at that, and look at myself, it just isn't good. I am not ashamed of my body or anything, but heck, could it use some improvements.

Anywho, nothing more to say, that just isn't repeating itself

Grrr Argh!

Marcio is so about to slowly tear layers of skin from his body.

(Apologies for talking about acne in this entry, stop reading if ya wish, but I will still keep going)

Now, I have the need to visit a dermatologist again. It seems that the minor acne breakout that happened a few weeks ago, has decided to go full bloom. It was just on arms, and a bit on sholders. Now, it's chest and back too. I sooooo hate it. Most of my upper body, aside from hands up to the elbows and stomach area, is dotted red. It's not icky big pussy acne, it's just dotted red things, that alude to be acniac, but are just dotty.

It's very annoying, and makes me wonder what the heck is causing them.

I am torn somewhat at the moment. I know I will have a total of about 70 dollars to live on until the 28th. Mom still says I will should visit the Dermatologist.

It's really annoying to have to make such choices. I know money is hyper short. I know things are going to get cut, but I still want to investigate why my body is throwing an f'ing tantrum.

Grrrr Argh!!!

Now now,

Mom failed real estate test. That means she will have to retake it. She has a week to sharpen her skills. If she passes on the retake, that is wonderful, if not... That's another story.

Money is tight tight tight. What used to be late bills, are now notices of disconnection. We got a temporary handle on things, that will last about 2 weeks. After that, things will start getting tight, and things will go badly bad.

Mom will start working if she fails the test again, and take the night classes so she can try the test again. In the meantime, things just get scary moment by moment.

There are other variables that can go well, but they are time delayed things, that can suddenly become a "not this month, but next month, or after" thing.

I'm just crossing my fingers, and that's about all I can do.

Chronicles of Riddick was fun on Sunday. It was couple with the Intel Tranining, which made the movie free.

I gotta say, I found the movie to be good. It was interesting, and had a good amount of action. It wasn't just random gore, but fun to watch fight scenes.

Now, I just need to get in to the HP training that gets me a showing of spider man for free.

That's the way to watch movies. *grins*

Ahh, so interesting is life, as always.

Decisive moments hang around this month. Cases to be finalized, and talks to be made. Tests will be taken, and their outcome is monumental. I won't have to do any of those things, but they all play a part on how my life goes. This month spells out if things will be smooth, or if there will be more bumpy rides ahead of the road.

I wish for things to go well of course, and so does mom and sis. Granted, sis goes along with the I don't care much for it crowd. She is doing her own thing, and well, nothing can be done about that.

I'm not going to say I'm a bit weary of this month, but I trust that the right things will happen, and that everthing that needs to passed and accomplished will be.

If not, let's buckle up.

Well, I just had my final talk ever with Paul. This time instead of me just being pissed off, and talking to a wall in my journal, I talked to Paul, and figured things out.

As always, Paul didn't quite answer many questions. He did say what needed to be say, and what made the perfect closing statements.

I could see him typing and editing stuff.

I pressed him a bit, and just urged for something that was final, instead of a blank answer, or just disconnecting. I got just that, something that was final.

It didn't hurt, and it didn't feel bad. It was closure.

I wasn't the person he was looking for romantically. To that, I say it makes sense. That is just from spending time with him. As he distanced himself, it became more on and more obvious in retrospect.

Paul got his own life, his own world, his own friends. He fits just fine in those places, and that is what I wish for him, to just fit with the people that make him comfortable, happy, and safe. I wasn't part of his world, and didn't fit. I felt that, so I didn't worry, but I still needed to ask things.

He gave me the final goodbye today, and it made me feel better.

"Marcio, just remember this. You are a wonderful person. You are kind, handsome, and will make some guy increadibly happy. It was great knowing you, and I'm sure we'll run into each other sometime. :: hug ::"

That was it, that was all. I thank him for that.

I had ended things on my side, and now he finalized everything from his side. When I said I didn't want to talk to him on my side, was because I just didn't want to have to deal with not having a final word. Now I do, and it's all good.

Paul is still a great guy regardless. His energy and drive will get him places. His knowlege will guide him in life, and his wisdom will only grow. He has a great circle of friends to always fall back on, and that is great. If he focuses on what's important to him, he will have a great life. I do no doubt that a worthy guy will soon find him. If he follows a path to a bright future, I am sure I'll run into him.

As life progresses, everything is an experience. Getting something positive from experiece, is the choice of the one walks the path.

Ohh, I've got some bills, and they are all just there sitting pretty.

I'm paying my credit card bills, and the car insurance and the car. All the other ones are just going to sit as pretty as they were before. If I could afford them, they would be paid, but they just have to sit there and wait. Nothing is getting cut this month, so it's all good. Next month is another month, and hopefully the bills will be paid by them, if not, well, things get cut.

What can I do about it? Nothing really, so I'm not really worrying about it. Worse comes to worse, I still don't worry about it. *hehehe*

The only problem about phasing out things to worry about, is that other things go along with it. You can't just tune out one thing, without other things travelling along. In the meantine, I just got a whole bunch of nothing to worry about. I just know I eat food, and I work. Ohh, there is the showering, changing and sleeping thing too. I do that plenty of times. I do walk the dogs when sister asks, but that's just walking, nothing too it. That's it, nothing more really.

I have gone to places, but just because. Mostly they didn't use any money, and that's good enough.

I am going to see chronicles of riddick this sunday, and it's free, so it's all good with me.

Tomorrowwwwwww.

Yes, Tomorrowwwwww.

Brett is hostin a LAN party @ his house. I like LAN parties because they are fun, and you get to hang out with friends. Now, I just gotta find my arse kicking boots. I know there are somewhere in my closet.

Heh, no seriusoly, I am not a heavy gamer, but it's still a blast to go to a LAN. I will go there right after work. I plan on bringing #6 to work. There, my computer will stay, until it's that wonderful time of the evening.

Now if my computer wasn't so dayum heavy, it would be better. Granted, now it has more muscle than last time I went, and a motherboard that doesn't make the system crash. Always sucky to be in the middle of a mission, and BSOD. *arghhh.* It's just as bad to see the system freeze, and hear that woderful stuck audio loop. *bleah*

Anywho, happy Marcio loves LAN.

Well, yesterday I had to go to a customer's site, and finish some work, that was agreed on about 1 year ago.

Turns out, it was something we never did, because they never called. They had laptops sitting in a closet for about 1 year. It's insane how that happens.

Anywho, they people were super nice, and while it was a bit complicated to figure out what they wanted to install @ first, everything went fine. It took me about 6 and a half hours to do the whole job. It got done, and all the 35 laptops were happy. The thing that made it take forever was the fact that they only had one cd of the two pieces of software. Also, they didn't have necessary tools to duplicate them, so I had to run two installation rotines, one after the other, slowly crawling from laptop to laptop. Also, there was the whole problem with the laptops never being turned on. So I had to wait for it to convert FAT to NTFS, and then, had to run to the "adorable" windows setup, on every single one.

I thought I was done, but out of the 4 last computers, 2 of them had passwords, which we had to call people, and to go a house to figure out. we did get it figure out, and then everyone was happy.

It's good that they weren't there to take advantage of anything, and it was a honest call to finish a job. Hopefuly there won't be any more problems with this account.

Ohh, and I did bring my MP3 CD player along for the tech call. I was setting up laptops, and dancing all along. Geeky, but happy times. *grins*

Yeay for my body getting all okie. All the dots on my arm, are now disappearing slowly, but surelly. I didn't have to go to a dermatologist after all.

Also, no more using sponges, or using anything but my woderful body wash.

Gotta love those dead skin scrubbing loofahs.

Ok, so, my boss calls me again in the morning (Yesterday morning according to calendar date.). Again, he wants me to do something that's an all day thing.

He wants me to go to a place that is about 1 hour and 15 minutes away. He wants me to be there at 8am. Which means that I will pretty much wake up at about 6, because I have to take a shower, shave, and dress in my usual shirt and tie gettup.

There is also the wonderful fact, that I have no idea why I am going there. I was just told that I needed to go there, and finishing setting something up correctly. I talked to the person that originally did the job, and they said everything that needed to be done was done. They said the final setup was going to be done by the place's personel.

That place I am going has a history of being sneaky. That is why the local provider of technology stopped dealing with them. I know that, because I visit the local computer shop to get some screws and they dished out the whole place. Man did they use some choice words. The place is know for this shenenigans.

But, they again, the whole original deal was done with people that are no longer with our team. Everyone involved in the transaction is no longer @ our location. The new manager just decided to send me there, because they were getting all mad, and they store manager agreed. So, I am going there, pretty much on a freebie. Well, I do get paid, and I am happy for that, but the point of the matter is that the place I am going does not deserve this. The things they paid for were done, and now they are just bitching about their own mistates (I am sure.)

I'll see how it goes when I'm there. I hope everyhing goes alright. I sure hope. I'll write when I get back.