Well, it's a new phase, and this one is just plain sexy. This one is all about bringing it together, and carrying forward with strenght.
It's setting off the little *click* that brings it all together, it's about overcoming fears, and moving with stride towards something better, something fresh, something new.
This phase is on, so bring it along, because the voyage has just begun.
So, something was all happy today. That is, of course the fact that mom has gotten a job. Yep yep yep, a job, she has one, and it's official. She'll be making money, and helping out, and bills are going to be happy.
Ohh, what a joy it is. She'll still persue the whole real estate thing, but now she has a steady flow of income. Something that hasn't happened in some time now.
This means good things, yep yep. Maybe I'll get to escape the evil clutches of well, my current employer. *gwa ha ha*
I am in some serious need of sleep. Indeed, but I know I'm not going
to get much.
The reason? Well, I would like to call it president's day. It's that
pesky day in retail that all stores open early. So in commemoration,
we are opening at 8 am instead of the cushy 11 am. That's less hours
of the wonderful multi-z.
I look forward to fun fun programming prohects along with much
interesting studying for wimsical tests.
Ahh, I woke up today at the forsaken hour of 5 something AM. I don't
remember what the something was, but it was something bad.
It was a meeting at work, because we got a brand new manager. So he
introduced himself, bla bla bla, and we had bagels. See, the bagels
were the highlight, because we usually don't have them. I'm glad to
see something good, and that fulfils my hunger, rather than just
sugar-blasted donuts.
Later I went to visit cecil (a coworker) at the hospital. He had some
minor surgery, and usually he would be out in like a day or two, but
since he's a hemophiliac, he's staying for observation until the
swelling goes down and all that stuff. The visit was fun, and we
accidentally made him laugh a bunch of times. That was good, since it
put him in a better mood. The only problem was the fact that he had an
incision around his stomach area, that hurt every time he laughed...
Opps.
Cecil had a morphine drip he could push with a button for the past few
days, but they took it away from him, since he was abusing it. He
timed the system, and figured out when he would be able to get a fresh
dose. So, every 8 minutes, he just pressed the button, and he knew
that every hour, it would dispense a double dose. tsk tsk tsk.
Anywho, back to work, or right now, I should say lunch.
So, yesterday, I was driving from MARTA to get home, and I stop at a red light. The guy in front of me waits for the crossroad lights to turn red, and then goes. He almost crashes on the car that's turning. The direct way light didn't turn on, but unstead, the turn lights did. The guy was sitting there, waiting, and jumped the gun before the light actually turned green.
I've seen that to a lesser level in many places. People anxiously wait for the green light to come, looking at the other lights, and waiting for them to turn red. As soon as they do, they get ready to start moving. The bad thing is that people react quickly, and sometimes they are a tad bit quicker than the system that changes the light. That of course results in mishaps and accidents.
Even when we see the turning light turn on, it still triggers the fact that one saw a green light. The only problem it's not always the greenlight that was expected. It's funny to see how people do that little jump before they realize that: "Hey, the light is red for me, oops."
Silly people.
Alright, so phase 4 apparently was very weird. It was backwards mainly, and didn't really do much for the procrastination issue, although, it did get things in gear.
Phase 5, is just me stepping up to how things are going, and getting everything back on track. Phase 4 gave me a chance to analizy a whole bunch of things, and realize that chances should be done diffently.
On we go!
Not a bad day. There were balloons randomly being carried as I walked. They were one bigger than the other, and all red, or some shade of pink. Aside from that it was mainly rainy and foggy. Hey, it's a perfect day to be cozy with a significan other.
I'm surprisingly not phased by valentines day this time. It was a good enjoyable day, with nothing big to worry about. Today I had a chance to gather myself up again, and get a few things in line. I realized that things are going just fine and dandy.
(self note: there's something shadowy, which I haven't figure out yet. Headaches)
Things haven't been doing so well latelly. They haven't been bad, but haven't been too well.
For one, dad called over, and he's not all that good. Grandma's (dad's side) head tumor keeps growing, and she's getting to a point of not rememering much at all. We know it's basically cancer, yet, we can't really treat her over there in Brazil. Grandpa (dad's side) pretty much has prostate cancer. They've been running some tests to see how things are going, and to figure it out, but again, not much that can be done in Brazil. Then, there's my aunt. She's clinically insane pretty much. She has meds that would keep her in control, but because of her paranoia she doesn't take it. My other aunt, the one that lives here is doing pretty ucky. I don't see her much, since she distanced herself from us, but we know that her life is in the dumps latelly.
This all is causing much stress on my dad. Because his mom, dad, and sister have all medical conditions, now none of them are working. They used to work, and all was fine, but my dad is pretty much having to foot a large chunck of everyone's living expenses. Mom, is stressing out, since she can see what's happening, and yet she cannot do anything. If they were here in the US, there would be many resources we could use, and get them the proper care. The cancers could be managed, and my aunt could get better med, and with proper care, she would take things and get better. It sucks to have our hands tied.
I don't like seeing how things are going, and have to ponder the fact, that without care, their health will soon dwindle to the point they will not be alive anymore. My mom stresses out since her dad (my grandpa of course) die of lung and throat cancer. She knows how things can be stressful, and how things go along. I was about 2 when he died, so I don't remember anything.
Dad tries to keep happy, but mom knows what he's feeling.
I usually might seem unnafected by the situation, but I'm not. I just react different to how things are going. News like that from brazil, throw me off my normal routines. I take a great amount of care to maintain things going well, but I can see things going askew with my everyday dealings. When things get to me, I try to do things that distract me, and keep my mind off things. It works against me, since I pay less attention on things that require intense focus, like schoolwork. Also, I'm awake way beyond the time I should be right now.
End of entry.
There's a rift. It's getting larger.
Many of my effors are slowly unwinding. My eating is more compulsive, my patience is shorter, sleep is eascaping me, I wake up at night, I try to distract myself. TV is there, the useless part of the web is there. My mind is a blur at times, my focus is not where it should be. I've got things to do, yet, some are just assembled again and again, and I don't follow through to completion. My time seems shorter, more constricted, and I have more things to do.
Taxes are looking dim. We rely on mom getting a decent return to keep things afloat. This year, she didn't work, so she doesn't earn any creadit that can be increased by the fovernment. She made 0 money, and she's getting back 0. It's stressing, how to pay things, it becomes an issue. We are fine for now, but there's isn't a boost to help us this time. We've been through worse periods before, so I'm going crazy over it, but I'm worried about it getting worse.
I need to fix the rift, before I break apart.
Alright alright, here's another phase to my plans. It's phase 4. This week was slacky week, so it's time for a new phase.
It's fun to just label my changes in the direction I'm going. All serve a purpose, and each gives a way to meter things.
Phase 4, is like Phase 3, but enchanced.
Anywho, it's all about refocusing things that went all out a bit out there. It's eliminating some things I just happen to do.
In this phase, I change the elementary work I do some things. Also, I change my horible habit of procrastinating. This one is a change that has been coming a long time, except, I've been procrastinating on stating it (DUH!)
This one is bound to be hard it seems. Although, it's something I can change. I just gotta kill that little urge within me to desperatelly seek something to do, that will get me away from completting a task.
The highlight is a highlight. My sister just happened to be bleaching a friends hair, and sploshed just a tiny bit of it in the front part of my hair. Now, it's a bit lighter, and it's a nice little change. Also it doubles as a symbol of my commitment to change things. Hooray.
Well, I'm @ school right now, and just got done with my Calc II test.
That was all fine and dandy, and I think I did fairly well.
Now, there was a bit of surprise when I arrived to my first class of
the day. I sat down, and saw the teacher pull out a folder with white
and pink papers, all nice and stapled. I looked again, and I'm sure it
could be confirmed. She was giving out a test today. I thought it was
friday, although I haven't been keeping up with my schedule book. I
panicked just a bit, but I've been doing my homework, and did all the
assigments she assigned, so I should be fine. I toiled over the test,
but was able to asnwer all questions. I'm not 100% sure of some of
them, but I tried my best using the skills I've gathered.
That brings today's total to 2 tests and 2 CS assigments. It's a very
interesting day indeed. By interesting I mean it's evil evil evil.
Granted, I did all that I needed to, and on time, so I'm actually
relaxed about it.
I really gotta keep up with dates from now on, I don't want another
little surprise waiting for me when I arrive in class.
Youtube
Twitter