Wishing it wasn't this way

Things haven't been doing so well latelly. They haven't been bad, but haven't been too well.

For one, dad called over, and he's not all that good. Grandma's (dad's side) head tumor keeps growing, and she's getting to a point of not rememering much at all. We know it's basically cancer, yet, we can't really treat her over there in Brazil. Grandpa (dad's side) pretty much has prostate cancer. They've been running some tests to see how things are going, and to figure it out, but again, not much that can be done in Brazil. Then, there's my aunt. She's clinically insane pretty much. She has meds that would keep her in control, but because of her paranoia she doesn't take it. My other aunt, the one that lives here is doing pretty ucky. I don't see her much, since she distanced herself from us, but we know that her life is in the dumps latelly.

This all is causing much stress on my dad. Because his mom, dad, and sister have all medical conditions, now none of them are working. They used to work, and all was fine, but my dad is pretty much having to foot a large chunck of everyone's living expenses. Mom, is stressing out, since she can see what's happening, and yet she cannot do anything. If they were here in the US, there would be many resources we could use, and get them the proper care. The cancers could be managed, and my aunt could get better med, and with proper care, she would take things and get better. It sucks to have our hands tied.

I don't like seeing how things are going, and have to ponder the fact, that without care, their health will soon dwindle to the point they will not be alive anymore. My mom stresses out since her dad (my grandpa of course) die of lung and throat cancer. She knows how things can be stressful, and how things go along. I was about 2 when he died, so I don't remember anything.

Dad tries to keep happy, but mom knows what he's feeling.

I usually might seem unnafected by the situation, but I'm not. I just react different to how things are going. News like that from brazil, throw me off my normal routines. I take a great amount of care to maintain things going well, but I can see things going askew with my everyday dealings. When things get to me, I try to do things that distract me, and keep my mind off things. It works against me, since I pay less attention on things that require intense focus, like schoolwork. Also, I'm awake way beyond the time I should be right now.

End of entry.