Overwhelmed out of mind

So, how was vacation so far. Hmm, let's see, it's been mildly awful. There's so much to do, and I can't do anything. i can sure run errands, but with things like schoolwork, and the kind, I haven't been able to touch it. I just get that awful little feeling in my head, and just can't seem to complete, or ever start anything related to such tasks.

I don't really think I've relaxed at all. I'm just zombified by different tasks. TV seems to captivate me, and I sit there, just glaring at it, for hours, it's quite intersting. My brain feels completelly blown. I'm more tired than ever, I don't have a drive to do anything, and I've managed to gain weight. Yep, the scale has gone up and up. Not to a bad place, but I don't like gaining weight to start with.

It seems that without my usual structure, and things flowing a certain way, that I've just fallen apart a bit. Granted, I was starting to do that anyways. School, bleah, can't focus on it, and haven't been able to. Work, that's a joke. I was completelly acting silly, and utterly random. I managed to be slower than ever, make silly little mistakes by the pound, and other things. I don't know, I just seem to be breaking down, slowly. It's amusing at times. I feel quite out of it.

A little bit ago, I was laying on the floor, just thinking nothing. I was thinking of a bunch of things to do, and as always, it's been quite overwhelming. Again, I'm always happy that I'm not a suicidal person.

It's annyoing to try chaning hundreds of time, and end up in similar situations again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again. Yep, just keep falling into it.

Yes, then after the fact, I ponder some more. Why didn't I do this and that, and how much that inpacts me. So, I have a wave of ugh and bad, before it. Then, during the time, there's some more ugh and bad, and after it, there's more ugh and bad.

Yep, it just cycles back and forth between it all.

I'm going to slowly get a grip on things, like I usually do, yet, it's just the fact that its going on that is annoying the hell out of me.

Hmm, time to put a smile on, and move ahead. Or at least I'll say that, because it sounds better than saying other things.

It's that time again to change, or else, I might as well not exist. It needs to be 1000% drastic this time. Those are the good kinds. *grins*