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Ohh life, life, life.

There is decisions of places. There is Georgia again, and it's just in my mind. It wants me back, but it's not calling me back. Ok, well, it's calling me back.

How does everything tie with what my goals are? Am I even sure of what my goals are?

Yes. I am sure. Still, there are so many choices and decisions. I ask for people's opinions. I respect their opinion, but over time, it becomes noise, that makes my plans fuzzy. Even my mom's opinions, which I praise very much, make things fuzzy. They have a pull that is stronger than most of my friends.

I've come to California, and I started to make friends. They are great people. I'm happy to have them as my friends, but still, they are a piece of the pie, that makes up my decisions.

Weirdly enough, I am overall happy. The only bad thing, is that I am not sure if it's happy happiness, or just a fog of happiness that is distracting me. I am happy easily, which is a good thing.

Bleargh, there is this fog I feel. I know this fog, because it is familiar... There is pending decisions, and they have been looming for a long time. It's fine, it's odd, it's ok. It's what happens...

I just don't know sometimes. It's crazy. Yeah, sometimes I wish life was easily guided. The truth is, that it's not. It's fuzzy, it's confusing. Still, things end up having some advantage, and the decision tips one way or another.

The thing is, that often, one knows right away what to do, and then, manages to skew that view as much as possible, to give an air of choice. Ok, then again, maybe not. I don't really know.

I'm just here thinking.

I will be visiting my mom in Georgia for Christmas, and that should give me a round-about idea of things. We shall see.

Ok, got home, was out with friends.

The Santa Ana Windows are blowing outside. They are fairly strong, warm, and very dry.

I woke up, dry as can be, went out, car being pushed by winds on the road. My eyes burning slightly, and my nose sniffly.

I was warned about the winds, but wow, they are indeed not friendly at all.

Let's recap the first part of this month.

May 6th, marked another year o my life, in which I turned 23. There were people in my house, cake was eaten, and happy birthday was sung. I visited Malibu Grand Prix for a little bit, and sister took my for 3 laps. Driving that way kinda scares me, so that's why I didn't take the wheel. It was a fun, and interesting experience. I'll stay away from it. Also, previously in the day, I nervously took my Physics final, and also worked, before coming home for the party.

May 9th, was the last of my two finals. The hardest ones too. My calc final was tense, but I survived. The Programming Language Concepts was just right, and I think I did well, more about that down the line.

From then one, we started prepping for Inventory at my store. People were a bit of a mood around the store, but it was to be expected.

May 12th, one of my previous bosses, Ezi, came into town. He was visiting back from Puerto Rico. Justin called me on my phone, and asked me to meet them at Wild Bills. Well, I do have to say that was a mighty interesting night. First, Ezi greeted me with this huge bear hug, lifted me up, and bounced me in the air. I was like woah there. Heh, that's Ezi. After I sat, I was offered a beer, which to drink. I haven't drank anything in 2 years, but this was a Ezi kinda get together, so hell. I then segwayed with two shots and finished drinking the beer in 30 seconds. Request of another one of my ex managers. I so obliged. Ohh my, I felt the effects of everything within instants. My hearing was muffled, my sense of balance was off, and all those other things. My head felt woobly.

First to suffice, I'm not drinking again. That was time #8, and that's enough. While there, I ended up playing air hockey and pool, which I did decently well. I was better in pool than ever before. Granted, I was playing slightly tipsy, against someone in a similar state. That really doesn't say much at all. I did get my ass kicked in air hockey, because that darn puck was moving faster than my eyes cared to register.

After hanging out more, and watching Ezi "attempting" to dance we left. Ohh, granted to say, I did get taken out for about 15 seconds, and Ezi danced with me. It was the funniest thing ever, and I just could not believe it. I do have to say, he leads mightly powerfully. LOL

Sister came to pick me up, because I wasn't going to drive. I left my car at work, and drove with her home. Next day of course, I had a mild headache, and my stock was sour for 2 days. I hate the effects of alcohol on my body, and that stamps the reminder why I stopped drinking in the first place.

May 13th we had a Star Wars Price Wars late night even in my store. Yeah, it was a just a tad of lame marketing, but that's life in retail I wore a X-Wing Pilot outfit. While Suraj, and Ed wore other outfits. Being that I'm not a star wars geek, I really did not have much of an idea of anything. They taped us in various areas of the store, for corporate purposes. There were a few pictures snapped, they are in my picture gallery of course (I am the dorky looking dude in the orange jumpsuit)

May 14th was the evil, but necessary day of inventory. Things went decently well, although, I learned still don't really like my current managers. Inventory took longer than usual. Reason being, it was more disorganized than I have ever seen it. Also, we didn't have enought people to be with all the counters. That means they counted however they felt like it. Up and down, and some other seemingly random patterns, instead of left to right, top to bottom.

I ended up getting out of the store around 1AM, since I had just hit overtime. Other people stayed there a bit later, but overall we were all done. Reconciling is going ok so far from what I hear. Although, it did not help that the GM and sales manager let some things get moved around. That screws things up big time. While it annoyed me, I just shrugged it of. What can I do about it... Nothing.

Aside from that, I'm currently on a month break from school. As I mentioned before, I am taking summer school for my Calc III class. I thought of just getting it over it, and it won't disrupt with anything else, since I'll have plenty of time to fully get into it.

Right now, I'm just analyzing things to come, and seeing how it will all pan out.

So, work is turning out to get worse and worse everyday. There's lack of communication, lack of leadership, lag of organization, lack of effort, lack of managerial power, lack of regard for things, lack of caring, lack of people, lack of energy, lack of interest, lack of time, lack of everything.

I personally find that things get flawed more and more for every moment I spend there. It has jaded me, and it's time to move on VERY soon.

This time, the annoyance comes from all possible sides, not excluding anyone.

I hope that by next semester, I won't have to deal with any of it anymore.

So, my bank account now sports the wonderful amount of $-124. It's as
low as it's going to get, because there is absolutelly nothing pending
at the moment. The roomate should give rent money soon, which will
help not all that much, but at least it will give a small boost.

I have borrowed a total of about 3 dollars from people, and I hate it.
I've been trying latelly to always bring a small pack of crackers so I
have something to keep my stomach full, and starting today (after I
get home) I will always have one in my glove compartment just in case
I need to eat something.

My fuel is running nearly on empty, which is ok, since hopefully, I'll
be able to get some money from sis to put at least some gas in my
tank. Aside from that, all is in some sort of control.

I'm sure hoping mom comes up with a way to get money, because the
bills are coming, and also we haven't made the latest payment is both
cars.

Anywho, I just gotta keep things more in line so there will be no big issues.

As with a lot of people, I ponder at times how things can become.

Today, I had some fun trains of thought.

I thought of what would happen if I was able to focus more on helping mom along with her business. The outcome was very good from my calculations, and I most certainly looked snazzy. That's the part I loved the most. I'm not saying that I'm vain or anything, but sometimes it's just worth it.

It's that wonderful point in my life again. Where I stop, realize things are icky, and that while I am progressing on many things, I need to give that extra push.

So, without further ado, here's my plan:

There's a short time left is school, I need to focus really hard on it to finish the semester on top. Gone is TV, and all kinds of distractions. That includes my amazing ability to have time drained away by people.

I've gained some weight, due to being on my ass and being sick, so I need to lose that immediatly. I hate feeling bulky. I'm aware, I'm not fat, and everyone tells me that, but I just need to trim that little bit of extra.

I gotta eliminate all my little time wasterful patterns, and quasi-compulsions.

I'm trying to be nice, and not say bad things about people or complain. This has been a tad hard, but I'm accomplishing it.

There's more little stuff, but it's all small potatoes.

So, Gotta brush the dust off my shoulders, and dive in.

*splash*

Banks love overdraft and over the limit fees.

Today we relly so much on our debit cards, that overdrafts multiply at the blink of an eye. Every single transaction just triggers a deeper and deeper overdraft. $30 dollars every time that card was swiped within the period the account dipped below $0.

My account is now at an awful -$94 dollars. Luckly it hasn't been used since, and it should not go lower. It was all those little pending transactions that did this extra damage.

Living paycheck to paycheck is what many people face daily, but things turn into a nightmare if a paycheck is really low, or not there at all. I'm suffering the pain that comes with the territory.

There's really nothing i can do about it other than relly on mom to come up with a way to make money. Worse come to worse, we can always borrow from friends and all, but as always, that is last resort. I'm happy that I had 5 dollars into my wallet, otherwise I might have run out of gas.

Also, I'm thankfull that we don't have to (immediatly) pay rent or a mortgage, because otherwise we would be out on the street. I'm just hoping for something soon, because 2 of the 3 cars in the house will have the danger of being repossed. That would be something high in the level of awful things.

Anywho, I just cross my fingers, and hope that things will get better.

So, things are moving along, in all these fun tangents.

First, my bank account headed to $-34 dollars this morning, which
means I'm hyper-broke, whereas before I was just broke.

At work things are moving into a new direction. We have a new sales
manager, and the "so called bad sales manager" will be relocating to a
new store in a new region. It's a promotion for him, so he doesn't
suffer from it.

This semester is almost over, which is quite wonderful. Just like 3
more weeks, and there are no more classes. A nice little break until
the summer sememster starts.

Again, it's unprecedented that I'm taking a summer class. I'm shocked
myself, but want to graduate soon.

Money opportunities are heading towards a good point it seems, yet we
haven't heard about anything, but changes are that something is most
certainly coming.

And so, things move along, and soon we will see where they lead. I
have my fingers crossed for something wonderful.

Hello Hello,

I'm all back and everything. The jury is still out on what exactly happened to me, but now I'm feeling quite wonderful. The time off gave me plenty of time to reflect, and figure out some things that needed to get done in my life. I'm in the course of getting everything back in great condition, but not in a hurry, since I don't want to get stressed out like before.

I started back at work this past weekend. I planned to stay a little, but ended up closing the office. There seems to be a few changes going on, and some ideas are decent, but the execution, and the delivery are the worse things one could ever ask for, and ends up having a bad effect on the morale. I surprising get all this fun little duties, which some of my coworkers have been doing, and quite wonderfully. The manager executing all this, took over out section of the store, and is doing some things out of spite of one certain person. It's petty, its wrong, and it makes me unconfortable.

School is all good, and it's been decent. I've had a lot to catch up since I was out for a considerable amount of time. All my classes recovered well. The slowest one is math, since it requires intensive efforts to be able to fully catch up. I'm doing my best, and trying to improve for this last test, since the past two were trully a bust. Granted, this material that's coming up is much easier. I thank my teacher for plannings that way.

I've already got registered for my classes for this upcoming semester, things my change a tad, but it's all good. For the first time, I'm going to be attending summer school. The reason being, that I need to get one our two classes out of the way in order to be able to graduate a semester early.

Aside from that, I'm readusting to everything, and while it's a bit overwhelming, i'm getting over the huddles.

Now for some personal notes for future reference: Ok, I'm feeling decent now, gotta do an RMI soon to see if there was any harm to the brain, or any signs of a stroke. They think it might have been a mini-stroke, because there was some numbness, and mild re-occurance of symptoms in the same side (left) of the body after the fact. Hopefully after visiting the neurologist everything will be fine. My senses, and some other things for some strange reason are not quite 100%, and my focus (as far as being able to pay attention to a certain thing) is slightly different. I don't know if anything was caused by anything, so I'm not jumping the gun. The fact that I had a change to clear my mind, and changed some patterns of things, might have thrown thigns off just as well. It's been a frustaing experience overall, and I would rather not have to go through it again. I'll be very happy if the Neurologist gives me an all clear. :) I've seem to be able to wane off my feelings that I was starting to get depressed, which is wonderful, and was probably triggered by the events. I feel better about that now.